Everyone feels the need to be loved.

While it is normal for you to feel the need to be loved, it will become unhealthy if your craving to be loved becomes too excessive.

You don’t have to be desperate for love.  You don’t force a good relationship to happen.

You will do ‘crazy’ things if you find yourself being desperate for love.

Saint Valentine’s Day celebration is around the corner. Many people will do crazy things that show they are desperately searching for love.

  • They will eat out in an exclusive restaurant they could not ordinarily afford. A classic case of eat now and regret later.

  • They will spend the money they don’t have in buying expensive gifts they don’t need – all in a bid to be ‘accepted’. That’s phony; sooner or later, they will be busted.

  • They will lower their morals in a bid to get in the clique. But then they will soon realise how lonely they are.

  • They will engage in unlawful activities they will come to feel bad about thereafter. Such was the experience of Lisa (not her name).

Tipsy during a house party in one of her friend’s house during last year’s Valentine’s celebration, Lisa was led upstairs into a small room where a guy she barely met at the party slept with her.  When she came to her full senses afterward, Lisa confessed, “I would never have done ‘it’ with that guy if I was sober.”

You need not be caught in the rut. Being desperate for love is not a guarantee that you will find it.

French Country

Here are five simple reasons you should not be desperate for love:

  1. It is a mark of low self-esteem. Being desperate for love shows that your self-esteem is not at the best level it can be. You need to work on it.

  1. It makes you more vulnerable. Selfish people may take advantage of you if they see that you are desperately looking for love. And when the coast is clear, you will be the one left stranded.

  1. You will turn off genuine people and attract only desperate ones like you. Genuine people look for value. If they see that you are desperate for love, they may conclude that you are probably not worth much and so they will look elsewhere.

  1. It may leave you heartbroken at the end. Love is elusive to those who desperately search for it. When you are desperate about love, heartbreak is inevitable. So why don’t you take it patiently?

  1. It shows you are not trusting God enough to meet your love needs. God is the best matchmaker I have ever known. But He doesn’t force anyone on us. No single person has all it takes to meet all your love needs. That’s why you need God.

What is the better way to go about it?

It is a huge mistake to think that you will be able to capture the object of your affection by frantically putting yourself out there. Instead of desperately hunting for the right person, you can concentrate on being the right person. When you become the right person of value, the right person of value will come along.

love-840243_1920Is it achievable? I would say, Yes! This is how.

  • Build up your self-esteem a little more. You are worth more than you think. Your self-esteem will plummet if you think there is something wrong with you. Have a positive outlook about you. God made you specially and wired you with quality gifts and talents.

  • Use your time, your talent and your treasure productively. When you are seen using your endowments to add value to other people’s life, the right person will notice you.

  • Add authentic value to your face: smile genuinely. Be cheerful. “I would have love to talk to you, but your hard face puts me off,” a young man once said to a young lady.

  • Receive the love of God into your heart. This will make it easier for you to love yourself and also love others. Without the love of God in your heart, your love equation will never be balanced.

Instead of feeling desperate for love, sit back and work on yourself a bit and improve your self-esteem.

Be nice.

Your heart will never be satisfied until it embraces the love of God. When you accept Jesus into your life, you accept the love of God into your life. If you feel secure in the love of God, you will not be desperate for the love of man.

Victor Uyanwanne is a freelance writer from Nigeria. Although his writing is religious in tone, he gives excellent advice from the secular perspective, as well. Uyanwanne's article first appeared in Christian Living and was re-used in Naked Christian. We think it's worth our readers' time. Used with permission from Naked Christian.


farmThe sun has barely risen above the horizon. The morning cold makes the feral cats act bold, while they fold their bodies to shrink from the wind.As I step out the door, the dew finds the hole in my shoe and enters therein. More cats appear out of thin air… while I carry their food. Busy mouths eat rapidly as empty bellies soon extend. The afternoon sun is on a lower arc, but still has the power to drive me into the shade. The paler, yellow light is not as bright, and speaks reverently of the coming of the snow. Morgan County… the blessed land for those who are grateful to be protected by the ever-embracing mountains. We live in peace and go about our lives as we strive to make a better world.


On the evening of 9-11, as I put the goats to bed, large flocks of birds flew south… being rapid upon the wing. Two, three hundred strong they race across the sky knowing that to beat the cold they now must fly.  In the morning the clouds were a deep red–a sailors warning spoke of dread.  The rain came down like a curtain draped across the scene…two rainbows appeared across Warm Springs Ridge, delighting my mind’s eye.  So much color on this grey, dreary day.  As I opened the door to the barn, the goats looked at me with a countenance that said, “Are you for real?” The feral cats fed reminds me of where and how they will fare when the cold of winter bites deep into their flesh. The kittens born in the spring have no idea about the change of the seasons and the suffering that awaits them. We need the rain, so I don’t complain….will stay warm and dry for today…. no birds will fly.

As the declination of the sun declines, the declination of my stored energy from wood rises from the ground ready to burn and release its heat to keep our home warm and toasty. Our benevolent sun takes care of us in many ways; the solar wind shelters us from the calamity of deep space by forcing the void to withdraw. It allows all who reach up for its warmth and power to survive and grow; we know that the ancients fell to their knees to honor the one that allows life to exist. On a sunny day in winter, I face the inferno and long for the time of days gone by when the sun climbs high in the sky. I wait knowing that the Snow Princess will soon dust the land in wedding gown white, and the glare from the sun will become bright. The yellow orb sends its light for me to absorb, as I wait for the decline to cease, and the suns zenith to sail overhead and force me back into the shadows on a summer day.

[These moving, lyrical prose-poems were written by Morgan County, West Virginia farmer Ralph Gonzales.  He is 70-years-old.  If you enjoyed these sketches as much as I did, tell Mr. Gonzales we want more.  More! More!  Pictures courtesy of Beth Rankin.]